Category: gaming

Weekend Prednisone High

I’m on Prednisone. A lot of it. 80mg a day. That’s a lot. One of the side effects is “I CAN DO ANYTHING”. I feel like Aelerelean when he first got his Adderall. Last weekend, I reopened my Etsy shop. There were 3 items before. Now there are 12. I made those. All of those. Last weekend. Yeah.

This feeling apparently wears off after a while. This weekend was “MUST COOK THINGS AND CLEAN THINGS!”

There is a nook in my living room. It’s useless. Some built-it wall unit for people with TVs less than 25″. And it’s on a side wall. Not centered. So it’s the crap catcher. It hasn’t been touched in literally years. Does this mean I don’t clean. YES. YES, IT DOES.

This nook is out of the way. No need to even walk by it. You can’t really. You have to maneuver over to it. Like, move a speaker and the sub woofer. You have to really want over there.

And today I did.

What did I find?

  • A box of remotes: Replay TV, HD-DVD player, PS2 dvd remote with the plastic still on it, receiver I long since gave away, Sirius remote, two more Harmony remotes (they like to die whenever. I need backups)
  • Playstation Eye Toy (camera) Used once
  • PS2 memory card adapter reader. Still in the box.
  • 3 PS2 memory cards
  • Wii nunchuck (I gave away my Wii last year)
  • backs to 2 Wii Motes
  • 2 FM antennas for previous receivers
  • Wii Steering wheel new in box
  • Wii classic controller new in package
  • Pilates and yoga dvds, some opened, very unloved
  • Dinosaurs. The ABC sitcom from the 90’s. All four seasons.
  • A picture of Jarrett
  • Diplomas. Plural. Two. My reprint from undergrad (they changed the name) and my Masters. I should frame them or something.
  • The PS2 with a memory card in it.

Jesus Christ hoard much? Yeah most of that got tossed, everything else got cleaned up….and put right back where it was. But it’s CLEAN NOW.

The time has come…

Dear Lan Gaming Machine,

I’ve been thinking about our relationship recently and well, not to beleaguer the point, but the time has come for us to break up. You have been a good and faithful machine for a many years. You’ve slaughtered some Zombies, Slaughtered some Axes soldiers, repelled the zombies on my lawns, and streamed a bit of video. For this I am thankful. But it’s time we broke up. You see, I just don’t see me LAN gaming anymore. The primary thrower of LAN parties has moved to Dallas and far from here. I simply cannot see me packing you up–even though I built you to be compact and portable–for a mere few hours of gaming fun. Besides, it’s been many a year since I first built you and your only upgrade has been a video card, a card I could put to good use on the 24/7 server instead of a twice a year fun box.

Think of yourself as an organ donor. You innards will be out to good use. You will be giving back to the environment that made you.

Farewell, my small, dusty friend.

Goodbye, L33t-G4m3r, you will be missed.

Dear Graphics Card Makers (smacktard)…

Why do you have to make new cards so godawful huge?!? WHY??? Why did I have to disassemble my whole system just to fit this fucking huge monter of a card into my box? WHY? Why will it have to make @aelerelean get rid of an entire harddrive just to get his card to fit? The hell man? Goddamn! I mean, shit, guys. What kind of rigs do you think we run? It’s not all monster tripleplushuge watercooled behemoths! Some of us have smaller cases and, apparently, shitty airflow. But hell, man, I should have to start looking for cases with 4 120mm fans just to keep *YOUR* cards working properly. UGH! And why would I need a new case and more fans? Because your goddamn card idles at 70C. 70C!!!!  When I exit the Sims, it’s coming down from over 92C. That’s 15 kinds of retarded.All of my fans work, but apparently they just can’t handle the “awesomeness” that is your big ass, has at least 2 of it’s own fans running at 100%, card. Jesus!

Dear EA (pt. II)

I’m sorry. You don’t hate me after all. It was my video card. It was up to the job….before most of my capacitors blew. I’m sorry. I blamed you for my hardware failure. But how could I have known? It’s not the first thing I think of when the situation goes all pear shaped. I mean, yeah, I heard a bang a couple of months ago, but I smelled no smoke. I saw no scorch marks, and my apparently indestructible machine kept chugging away. I was still working on my class projects and had no time to play games. So of course surfing was fine. I’m sorry. For this incident. You don’t have to run off and suck an entire bag of dicks like I wanted you to before.

A snack size bag would do just fine.


FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU IN YOUR GODDAMNED EAR! aoi;hsdf;oiahsdfpoi hwaepofvuaj;vafhfhawd

Sims 3 STILL DOESN’T FUCKING RUN! What the fuck does it take? You utter UTTER BASTARDS! I hate you so much right now. I hate you with a passion that, up until this point, has been reserved only for Chase bank and Time Warner Cable.

Congrats, shitstains.

Why you hate me, EA?

Dear EA,

I am a Sims fan. I bought every expansion for the original sims, I bought quite a few expansions for Sims 2 and eagerly awaited Sims 3. Each game brought their own quirks. When multiple neighborhoods were implemented, the game got a little flaky, but nothing the patch couldn’t fix. When Makin’ Magic came out, I could only play one neighborhood. I grew used to these little “sorry, no time to thoroughly test/fix shit” issues. I worked around them. Now that Sims 3 is out, I fully anticipated taking a little time to really get up and running. I install but couldn’t log in to the web site to register my game. Finally got over that and began to make a sim and start a game. The game would run for 3 minutes then freeze for two. Well, my machine was iffy anyway so I’ll do a repair install of XP. Didn’t fix it. Updated all drivers. Didn’t fix it. Reinstalled the Sims on Windows 7 (I know, I know, unsupported). It froze worse than XP. Reinstalled XP and patched everything all to hell. Now the game runs for 1 minute and freezes for 2. Fuck. Why do you hate me EA? Have I not faithfully bought your games? Why must you do this to me? I admit, my hardware is a little old, but your system checker thingy says I am above and beyond your requirements. And laptops slower than my system can run Sims 3 flawlessly. Why? What have I done? Is it because you got used to me upgrading my system before each major release? I’m sorry. I thought I didn’t need to tithe this time. I am remedying the situation now. I have a new chip and board on it’s way to see if this solves the issue. Please. Please let this be enough to let me waste countless hours playing with a new dollhouse that will let me be a dick to my virtual neighbors.

Please, EA?

Lawn Zombies

Thank you so much, Dezi. Now this is stuck in my head forever!


I have not had a good night’s sleep since last Thursday night. And it is taking it’s toll. I am slowly losing my mind. I must be. A guy on a forum I frequent asked a simple question about Animal Crossing: City Folk: “Hey, I’m looking for good turnip prices.” I said “Keep an eye out tomorrow and Thursday. That should be when the best prices hit. My Nook, however, is a complete dick and has never given me anything about 160.” Which is true. In both the DS and Wii version, he’s never had good prices and I’ve had to go to someone else’s town to sell. Another guy replied to that with “He won’t if your Wii clock is too far away from your AC clock. They have to be pretty much the same for any decent prices and/or Red Turnip Seeds to be there.”

Something in me snapped. I started to reply all nice and good, but when I woke from my trance, I found I had written this:

I’ve time traveled twice (using the system clock only) since Christmas so I can see my town in the damn daytime. Other than that, Nook is an ass. And he was an ass in the DS version where I never TT’ed. He’s a specie-ist. He hates humans. Puts us into indentured servitude. We have to buy from the “company store.” What kind of shit is that? Our success or failures depend solely on him and his prices. Does he even carry the things we need in his shop? Of course not! Just tools that drive his and our inherent greed and desire for a perfect town and ever increasing house. We have stoves yet nothing to cook. We must FEND for ourselves with whatever fruit we can shake from the trees! When, when are we gonna RISE UP and throw off the shackles of oppression!? DOWN WITH THE RACCOON! DOWN! NOOK’S WILL BURN! THERE WILL BE JUICE!

If you don’t know anything about the game, I’m not about to explain it here. Look it up. I’ll…I’ll be over here, somewhere under my desk. Taking a nap.


Here I am at a LAN party with my little gaming box. It’s lightweight, has one harddrive, one dvd drive, and uses onboard sound and video. Damn near everyone else here has tricked out systems with quad cores, multiple huge drives, $1300 paint jobs on their cases, water cooled, etc. Many times I hear “Oh, this isn’t working.” “Try this driver!” “Ah shit it’s crashing.” Finally someone asks me “What video card are you running?” “Onboard.” Cries of “What? No way? Are you shitting me” and laughter. Then it gets quiet when I say “Yeah, onboard. If you will notice, I haven’t had a single problem.” There is quiet agreement all around. Muhahahahaha.

Football! Oh Goddammit!

Madden ’09 is out. Came out yesterday. I suck at Madden. Madden is a game for people who have played Madden since 1988. It’s not a game for dumbasses like me. Until this version. They swear that anyone can play against anyone else no matter what skill level and still have fun. They show an NFL players 8 year old daughter playing (“What’s special teams?”). They swear. They promise. No blarney cross fingers here. So, who has two thumbs, is a big ass NFL football dork who knew this game was coming out ($60!), who finally has a console that will make it look nice, is unemployed and so has a bit of time on her hands, and neglected to download the fucking demo until 10 minutes ago? This girl!