Category: weather


Out in the rain? Forgot your umbrella? Don’t go running and ducking like you can avoid the rain.

Own. That. Shit.

Hold your head up high. Feel the long needed rain hit your face. Take a deep breath and own it.

Stroll around the outlet mall like:
“Fuck yes, I was a dumbass who knew it was raining but left all 3 umbrellas at home! Ain’t this a BEAUTIFUL day to get pneumonia?”

Leave HEB pushing your cart in the flooded parking lot. Take HUGE striding jumps, maximizing the splash damage!

Your hair’s already fucked, clothes can be washed, and, hey your nasty ass gym towel is in the car waiting! Does it have the funk of 40,000 leg presses? SURE IT DOES. But it’s dry!


The End Times Have Started

For the next 7 days temps between 96-99 degrees. We will hit 100 soon. There is no relief in sight. Texas will be eating any and all tropical depressions/storms entering the gulf.

Words you will hear for the next few months:

  • Drier than average
  • High pressure system
  • No relief in sight
  • Hazy
  • Fires in Mexico
  • Fires in California
  • Dust from Africa (yes really)

Yes. Today is the official first day of summer. We will begin our slow cooked descent into heat triggered madness. I will officially stop going to Fry’s until October (they do this energy saving thing where they keep the AC at like 80), I will punch any and all people in the throat who dare to suggest dining outside. No I don’t care that it’s now dark. It’s still 85 fucking degrees and the heat rising from the sun baked pavement DOES NOT HELP. No, it does not matter that it’s a “dry heat”. No it does not matter that it’s NOT a dry heat and that it’s worse in Houston/Louisiana. Heat is heat, motherfucker.

So. Don’t die. Stay cool. Help people (usually the elderly) who don’t have AC by donating fans/money to get fans:

The seasons are a-changin’

The weather should be changing about now. Not this weird ass cooling thing that’s been going on. No, the nasty hot humid crap is supposed to be starting up soon. Not that I’m looking forward to it, Christ no. But this has been weighing on my mind. There is a phrase supposedly known as “Texas Air Conditioning.”

“Texas Air Conditioning” is the idea that you open the windows when it’s cooler (overnight/early morning) and close it up to trap the cool in the house during the day.

This is a load of bullshit.

Do you know what it’s like at midnight in Austin on the worst days? 85 degrees. 85 fucking degrees. On a “normal” summer day? maybe 76. And humid. So fucking humid. The air does not move. It is like a heavy weight on your chest. I had a friend move from Austin to fucking Vegas because she was having heart palpitations here, but in Vegas she’s fine and fancy free. How shitty is that? When the goddamn desert is a better option so the thick, disgusting air doesn’t kill you.

This idea of “Texas Air Condition” is completely and totally wrong. Do you want to know what it really is? A GODDAMN AIR CONDITIONER. Yes. We have fucking electricity. We have AC units. Windows units, ductless systems, old fashioned common HVACs. Yes, motherfucker, we have them and we pay a lot to use them because being hot fucking sucks.

Being hot sucks so much that if I were to die due to exposure (in the outdoors) I would rather freeze to death than die out in the summer. When it’s that cold, you just lie down and sleep and just never wake up. Baking to death? Oh hell no. Worst thing ever.

So if you hear someone say “Oh just open up the winders like they do in Texas! That’s good old fashioned air conditioning” Slap them motherfuckers in the face.


6:30-7:30am: wake up hot and sticky, shower, dress in jeans, a short sleeved t-shirt and open crocs.
8am: 70 degrees
10am: still warm and sunny
2pm: still flipping warm and sunny
5:pm: hey, it’s a little chilly. Oh look, my car says it’s 61.
5:45pm: Um, the wind is pretty goddamn high. Oh god it’s colder
6pm: get home, plug in house lights, shake fist at strand that refuses to work, mess with strand that won’t work, quickly realize I’m wearing a tshirt and crocs, get my ass back inside.
7pm-9:30pm: drive around in the rain and sleet.
10-11pm: bundle up on the couch because it’s damned cold now.
11pm: look outside and see big fat snowflakes, cue me calling and texting everyone. Sister up in Denton gets PISSED because we got snow and she got jack. muhahahahaha. Got bad pictures and video.

Retarded Media

I am a member of a forum for a comedy site. One of our subforums is for general talk. It could be about anything, like the 30 year old man who used pancake make up to dress like a 12 year old boy AND ENROLL IN SCHOOL in Phoenix. One such hot topic is hurricane Ike and the media reaction. So far, here is my favorite:

“CBS reporter standing in heavy rain coat at the beachfront, 50 yards behind him a large family in shorts and tee shirt. He points at them and expresses his outrage at them being there. Now he says he feels safe where he is, 50 yards away from the family that’s insane. Does he have some kind of force field around him?”

Exactly. Just what the fuck makes you think YOU aren’t just as insane, Mr. CBS man? Oh and apparently Geraldo got “knocked the fuck down by a wave on Fox news”. Awesome. Oh, as I was typing this, I got a link to the video:

Here’s an update for the 360/2222 area: It’s sunny and a tree moved. Slightly.