Archive for August, 2016

NFL Preseason Week The Last: More On The Cowboys Because Reasons

Okay, look. I am not a Cowboys fan anymore. I haven’t been in a while. I squee in delight when they completely screw up a game due to their own ineptitude. I cackle with glee when they blow a huge lead in a way that only the Cowboys can do. I even feel their suckage leaks over into the Dallas Stars at times. It’s all fun and games to me. Something to yell at on a Sunday. But it’s not because of their playing, it’s because Jerry Jones is the goddamn devil. I hate him so much and it galls me that that fucker got nominated to the NFL HOF. “Oh he got 3 rings!” The fuck he did. Jerry had NOTHING to do with those wins and you know it. He’s horrible. He’s a cancer. He’s worse than Stan Kroenke (Rams owner). Stan Kroenke aspires to be as low down and scummy as Jerry. Got it? Okay.

That said, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE LET TONY ROMO GO! I want that man to live. He has kids! He deserves to live a life free of Jerry’s obvious attempts to kill him! I love me some Romo. I really do. I think he’s a great QB ON LITERALLY ANY OTHER TEAM THAN THE COWBOYS.

Sean Lee, JESUS CHRIST PLEASE DON’T KILL HIM, TOO. Just let Witten, Lee, and Romo fly away to better lives. Please. I can’t take watching two of them injured in the most crushing way possible, leaving Witten alone, with no one to throw to him.

NFL Preseason 2016: Who Fucking Knows What Week

DearĀ Antonio Ramiro “Tony” Romo,

Please stop. Please. Can you not see that Jerry is trying is best to fucking kill you dead? Jerry gives no fucks about your glass bone disease. Because surely that’s what it is, right? That or you need a shit load more calcium in your diet. Osteoporosis is not just for old women. I mean, come on. That fucker rushed you back out on to the field before you were ready. The season was done. We could have just said “well, fuck, do better next year, keep our EXPENSIVE AS FUCK quarterback healthy.” But nooooo. Because the NFC East is a goddamned dumpster fire, even with a shitty ass record there was still a chance for playoffs (PLAYOFFS?? DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT PLAYOFFS!) so Jerry in his infinite “wisdom” said “GET ROMO THE FUCK BACK OUT THERE NOW! RIP THAT IV OUT AND GET HIM IN THE HUDDLE! YEEHAW!” and you all jumped to do his bidding. Now look at you.

Jesus Christ, man, you have kids! Don’t you want to live to see them grow up? At this rate, you won’t live to see them potty trained! I’m telling you this as a fan of yours, please. Get out. This is a toxic relationship. It will not end well. Go play golf, play with your kids, make “crownies“. Shit, take up rugby. It can’t be as devastating to your body as Jerry Jones.