Archive for September, 2016


Open Letter: NFL Week Three

Dear Pittsburgh Steelers,

The fuck was that? The fuck? THE FUCK???? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK WAS THAT?

 

Dear Houston Texans,

The fuck was that? The fuck? THE FUCK???? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK WAS THAT? HOW??? HOW?????????? AND YOU BROKE J.J. WATT! GODDAMMIT!

 

Dear Oakland Raiders,

Keep on keepin’ on.

 

Dear Dallas Cowboys,

Dez Bryant is not my fault. I’m actually rather proud of Dak. I’m surprised and thrilled that a rookie is playing as well as he is. He seems really professional and ready for this level of play. Good job, Dak. Eat a bag of dicks, Jerry.

Open Letters: NFL Week One 2016

Dear Cowboys,

Welp, you tried.

 

Dear Steelers,

It is very hard to watch Antonio Brown score over and over and be happy when your opponent in Fantasy Football has Antonio Brown and you have DeAngelo Williams. All night was “YEAH! *FUCK*”, “Don’t pass it, don’t pass it, don’t pass it!!!!”, “Run it, run it, run it!!!!” Good job, guys. 🙂

 

Dear Cleveland Browns,

It’s you. It’s not your QBs. It’s you. You are fucking up perfectly good players. Your organization is royally screwing up players. Fix it.

 

Dear Rams,

Welp.

 

Dear City of Los Angeles,

Congratulations, you assholes. You begged and begged and begged and pleaded and bitched and cried for years. “We don’t have a team!” “We deserve a team!” “Give us a team!” I have never wished so hard for aliens to wipe a city/”fan base” off the planet. Well. There’s your fucking team.