Category: Desi

The Joys of Being An Adult

Oh Desi.

Yes, dear little sister, this is what trying to “be an adult” and “be responsible” and “handle yo shit” gets you.


Let it be known that on Thursday and today I tried to be a motherfucking adult! The irony (irony? fuck it I don’t know, Alanis screwed up the definition) is that this started with a very childish event. I woke up at 5am on Thursday flailing because I dream i was in a tent full of bugs. In my half conscious state I thought there was a mantis on my ceiling and scrambled to get out of bed. My legs, always the ones late to the party, had no idea what was going on so naturally I fell out of bed on my ass  and subsequently on my glasses that had fallen off the night stand and on to the floor.

Now these glasses were awesome not only were they pretty but they had been quite sturdy. I’ve dropped them , stepped on them and even slept on them but they’ve never given in. Until now , apparently I fell directly on the most fragile bit this time, the frame. While yes I had been wanting to get a new pair of glasses I never thought this is the way the old ones would go. I though maybe they’d be my back up pair. I mean those glasses were so effing cool. They were my pseud-intellectual glasses I got when I started college. People complimented me on them especially when they were drunk. I loved those glasses and they went with EVERYTHING!  Be that as it may, I had to move on. So I waited for ma to wake up and ask her about the insurance. She said it was ll good and to just go to where I went last time, Lenscrafters.

Unfortunately we forgot to remember that last time I had my eyes examined was 2007 when we were on a different plan. So I called Humana and asked simply for a list of places that would take me. Following their advice I go to TSO who fit me in the day I called them. I sit there in the lobby feeling good about the situation now since it was being resolved so quickly. I had it all planned out. Get my eyes checked then go to LensCrafters, get a new yet slightly inferior pair of glasses done in an hour and then go home and spend the rest of the day doing fuck all because i didn’t have class that day.

But no, as i look over at the nurses they are talking about insurance…they were talking about MY insurance. Oh god.

They told me that i wasn’t in fact covered there and would have to pay 80 dollars or find someone else. I had class tomorrow and my contact lenses were irritating the crap out of me. So i resolved to pay the 80 dollars instead of trying to make a last minute appointment at the other TSO or fucking Temple TX.  When i spoke to the actual eye doctor she told me it was because Humana covered eye doctors under the medical umbrella, so I guess that means i have to go to a specialist like my mom to get the benefits. That I understood, I was still pissed but I understood.

So today I wake up ready for my last day before spring break, I had a stack of errands to do, and at the top was go to Eye Masters and get me some mothereffin glasses LIKE  A BOSS! Once again my insurance was shot down. They couldn’t find ma in their records and the nice lady at Eye Masters who I told my tragic story to was like “WHA! That’s bullshitter, you call their asses!” This time I was annoyed and called Human again! And they said that I wasn’t covered for eye care PERIOD. Once again I understood, maybe ma misread the info or something.

Then I look at my card. Okay batman riddle me this, if I’m not covered then WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

Now i looked up Vis903 It seems to say I get frames. So TSO was right but dammit don’t tell me I don’t have a vision care plan PERIOD! So I’ve given up being adult. I’m trying to get a hold of ma because I am a baby and can’t  take care of this.

To recap:

Finals Week

It’s just been a shitty finals week all around, it seems. I still have a project due and my tale of last night’s woe is NOTHING, NOTHING I say, compared to what my sister went through. I present to you:  Statistics Clusterfuck: A Holiday Story by @Dezdimona16 and illustrated by @Dezdimona16*

I would just like to say for the record I regret absolutely nothing! My only crime was asking for something simple of someone who is incapable of doing anything simple.

It started Monday, Monday I had to take a test for Trig because my trig teacher squeezed in another test before the final that I had no choice but to take on Monday, The test took me 4 hours to finish so I was late and hour late to Statistics. Which was okay I had expected this and had asked Jordann to get me a review. It was a standard review nothing I had not seen from tests past, he was to put the answers on blackboard no big deal in fact it looked quite easy.

Night turns to day, leaves fall, another child is born, ma puts up the Christmas lights and Tuesday rolls around and I notice “oh hey Bob hasn’t sent the review yet no big deal perhaps he’s grading today surely after i take my much needed 5 hour nap to make up for the three days of sleep I’ve missed it’ll be up” 6pm rolls around and still no answers, I am dismayed and a little worries”perhaps Bob simply forgot, no worries I shall remind him through email” 1AM PASSES and both me and my comrade Jordan are FUCKING FILLED WITH RAGE! There are no answers we don’t know how to do the review because BOB can’t teach for shit! 1am I could have been done, I could have looked over the review clarified a few things myself, gotten my cheat sheet and been done! And godammit email is not a new invention if you say contact me in emails than mother fucker needs to check his email.

Monday morning comes and there is still no damn answers so I’m pissed, I wake up pissed (in part to the fact that clay decided to mass text plans for next fucking week at 730, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and the damn fax machine kept blinking) I shower pissed off, I drive pissed  off and the classical music in my car is just painting a picture of my vengeance as I barrel down the road! The only thing that would have completed my rage is if the radio had been playing Night on Bald Mountain (You know the song in fantasia where Satan emerges! ). I make my way across campus my black sweater flapping in the wind making me look like some evil deity which was more than appropriate considering the ungodly violent thoughts going through my head. I get to class and there is Bob and instead of acting on my violent thoughts in a very unhappy tone I ask him “What the fuck and how are we going to fix it”. No shit, he sent the review to the wrong classWhat. The. Fuck. I am being taught by the absent minded professor and instead all the child like charm I get unreliable retarded puppy. He goes off to make copies of the answers figuring there will be more angry students. After some time passes everyone has a copy of the review we are all trying to figure out things we convince him to make it open book. This is where i made a mistake. I was the one who asked, could we make it open note and book and instead of just going yes and leave us he remembers he has to literally walk us through a problem because he forgot to teach it.THIS IS A FINAL WHAT THE HELL!

The final descended into madness, it was like a lecture/final. in which no one knew what the hell was going on, I just sat there and did my test as he repeated a problem 5 times! I have never seen anything like it. A girl actually got up and walked out(probably to go report him!) it was just fucking ridiculous. I have never seen something dissolve into madness so quickly! After the test (which by the way was like 6 questions long) I literally ran away from the class! I ran and did not look back. And when I made it to the bridge I dropped so many F bombs people down the street could hear me! I don’t know what just happened to me; I am neither upset about the test or happy. I am in a Buddha state, it just happened and it just is! Maybe it’s post traumatic stress but I’m content on pretending this day never happened, this class never happened and right now I need to study for a real final.

Jesus. Fuck.

*There are no illustrations