Tag Archive: goodell

People of Los Angeles: Quit Yer Bitchin’

“On August 9, 2011, the LA City Council approved plans to build Farmers Field which could be home to an NFL team. Potential candidates for relocation are the San Diego Chargers, St. Louis Rams, and the Oakland Raiders.” –Wikipedia

This is bullshit. Why? L.A. has had TWO GODDAMN TEAMS and lost them all. The Rams and the Raiders. This is such a crock of shit. Why would you take the Raiders away from Oakland? Does LA see someone playing with the toys they threw away and now suddenly they want them back? Screw you guys. Quit your bitching. California has three fucking teams: 49ers, Raiders, and Chargers. You have enough. Deal.

Aelerelean and I were talking about this in the car one day.

Me: Goodell wants to be a big ass rules enforcer, he should just tell L.A. right out that “No. You had two teams and you let them run away. You get no more teams. You couldn’t take care of the ones you had.” Hmph. Well, L.A. can have the Bills. Fuck the Bills. Horrible team. Maybe I could one day root for them if they moved.
Aelerelean: Hmm. The Los Angeles Bills just doesn’t have the same ring.
Me: Fuck’em, they can change mascots. No wait! Make them keep it. And their logo? Past due notices!
Aelerelean: Oh my God that would fit right in!

So there you are. Los Angeles: Quit your fucking bitching or take the Bills. But I’ll be goddamned if you take the Raiders from Oakland. How can you be a Raider from fucking L.A.?

Open Letters: Roger Goodell has no soul

Dear NFL,

Stop this. Stop this ref lockout. This is insane. Did you not watch the Ravens game? Or the Monday night game last week that took almost four fucking hours? Did you not see these horrible travesties? Can you not see that this is a problem? I am apoplectic with rage over something that was meant to be entertaining. I have no money riding on any of this and yet I burn because this is flat out stupid. None of this needed to happen.

You had a stadium full of people on national television chanting “BULLSHIT”. I got goosebumps. It was awesome and so true. Sunday night had me pissed. But last night….

Jesus H Christ on a stick. That win was stolen from Green Bay. Stolen. Ref number 84 had the correct call. Jennings had the goddamn ball with both hands and his goddamn chest. How does two hands and a chest lose to one goddamn hand? HOW? That was a clear interception. I saw it, Aelerelean saw it, Tirico and Gruden saw it, dead blind people saw it. Yet these officials couldn’t see shit. With that one call you have irrevocably tarnished the reputation of the NFL. Professional wrestling has more integrity than the NFL at this point.

Roger Goodell, you are an ass. You think that the refs are doing a fine job. You are full of shit. How can you even believe that at this point? How can you believe that the regular refs don’t deserve whatever they are asking for? Yeah, they have their fuckups, but how often is that? Rare enough that it’s an event when they seriously botch a call. With these replacement officials, it’s every goddamn game. And not small calls. Huge calls. GAME CHANGING, SEASON CHANGING CALLS. EVERY. GAME. This is not why we, as fans, watch. We want to see a good competitive game. A fair game. This is not what we’re getting. This is not what we paid for through our stadium tickets or pay-tv subscriptions or swag.

Players and coaches! Is this why you play? Is this why you coach? Do you feel this is somehow right? I know you don’t because I see it in the news and all over Twitter. Goodell’s short sightedness and let’s face out, outright cheapness is hurting you. Literally. Between the fights on the field and the missed calls, someone is going to die. That is my biggest fear. Someone is going to die or have a serious career ending, life altering injury on the field because of this bullshit. Is it worth a player’s life to fight over fucking money for the refs?

You know what I want to see? I want to see a walk out. I want to see the players and coaches stage a walk out for week 4 (5, 6, 7, until it’s fixed if need be) in protest. It would be 6 kinds of awesome to watch as a game got started, right before kickoff, every player, every team staff member, and every fan walk the fuck out of the stadium.

This needs to be resolved IMMEDIATELY. How you, Goodell, can’t see that is fucking beyond me. Oh, I know why you can’t see it. It’s because you are evil. You contain more evil in your soulless, remorseless body than the most evil of all entertainment based companies in the country: Time Warner.

And that, my friends, is a whole lotta fucking evil.

Open Letters: NFL Week 2

Dear Seahawks,

I don’t know what you did to get beat like that. I’m sorry you had to get the full wrath of the Steelers shame based fury. I saw very little of the game, so I can only assume you guys fucked up a lot and the Steelers took advantage.

Dear Cowboys,

Hoooooly fucking shit. Good on you, Romo, for playing on that rib to make people shut the fuck up about how much you suck (I don’t think you suck). Just rest up, heal, etc.

Dear Bengals,

I can’t trust you motherfuckers to do anything right. You can’t win when I need you to and you can’t lose when I need you to. Die in a fire.

Dear Lions,

*Disbelieving Stare*
*Slow Clap*

Dear Ben Roethlisberger,

Let’s get one thing straight. Deep down in my heart, I think I hate you. I hate you for all the stupid fucking shit you’ve done since I started watching football. Your retarded ass motorcycle accident, your “alleged” sexual assault #1, your “alleged” sexual assault #2, and really, just your big dumb redneck-y face. I really cannot stand you as a human being. But you are a good quarterback when you try. I cheered when that Raider got ejected for punching you dead in the face (hey, no fair punching). I saw you almost get Brady’d. I don’t like seeing you get hurt like that (even though my heart swelled when I heard the crowd chanting for Batch), so, I hope you’re okay.

Dear Dish Network,

I have your service. I like your service. You have a free app for my phone that will allow me to schedule recordings. This app works. I like it. But I would like it a lot more if it behaved the same way recording works when I’m in front of the receiver. Why in the FUCK doesn’t it add an automatic 60 minute padding to a sports recording like it does when I’m home? Do you know how confused and then utterly pissed I was when we were watching the Eagles-Falcons game (ludicrous display of sport!) and it suddenly stopped before it was over? Oh my fucking god. If my receiver knows to pad sports events (even Hard Knocks!) by 60 minutes, why does your app not respect this? You’re looking at my goddamned receiver! And if you can’t do that, add it as an option, what the FUCK! So now I gotta wait until Tuesday night to watch an NFL Replay (ugh) of this game so I can see if anything else stupid happened.

Dear Dunta Robinson,

Fuck you and fuck your helmet leading ass. That shit was deliberate as fuck. You didn’t even try to put your hands up or make it look like an accident. Fuck your stupid head.

Dear Roger Goodell,

You are the epitome of parent behavior that I hate. You open favor (and punish) certain “kids” over others and don’t hide that fact. Oh, I’m sure you’ll fine Dunta, but I”ll bet you won’t crucify him like you did Harrison, who while fucked some players up NEVER blatantly hit anyone like Dunta did. In fact, I know you won’t punish him the same. (Edit: $40k fine. nothing else) Player safety, MY ASS. How in the fuck is it helping player safety to nullify a play because a player lost his helmet…WHEN PLAY DOESN’T IMMEDIATELY STOP WHEN THE PLAYER LOSES HIS HELMET? The refs just let it go until the play is dead, just like always only now the play just doesn’t count. How does that help, you moron? You just…you don’t even…FUCK! God, I just hate your stupid face.

It all comes down to this

It’s over. The 2010 NFL season officially ended with a kneel down and a bunch of men stroking and kissing a sterling silver trophy. Packers fans all over rejoice as the Lombardi trophy found its way back home. As an anti-Favre fan I was pleased-nay excited- to see Aaron Rodgers get his first Super Bowl ring and to finally emerge out from under the shadow of Brett Favre’s dick. Rodgers has become an incredible quarterback and I wish him all the luck. The Green Bay Packers fought hard and totally brought their A game. They obviously wanted it and they deserved their championship win. Congrats, guys!

As a Steelers fan, I can’t help but be disappointed that the Steeler Nation did not get to ascend that Stairway To Seven (look, you fuckers named it that, I’m using it. Still, it’s better that fucking Sixburgh. Really? Sixburgh?). The Steelers lost that game themselves. It wasn’t just a matter of “oh Green Bay played better”. You guys played horribly. Ben doesn’t throw a lot of interceptions but he threw three goddamn picks. THREE. IN THE SUPER BOWL.  He did not play like a veteran. That game was a travesty and I hope they all got their asses sufficiently chewed out by Tomlin and LeBeau. All I can take away from last night’s debacle is that the Steelers are now tied with the Cowboys for the most Super Bowl appearances. That’s it. That’s the only upside. Because nothing will be the same after this ridonkulous season:

  • Hines Ward has spoken of retirement. As a receiver, you want to break records (apparently). On November 15, 2010, he ended his streak of 186 consecutive games with at least one reception. How? Concussion which took him out of the game. He can never hit that record now. So the game means nothing to him now, I guess. This disappoints me. Don’t you play because you like the game? Because you’re getting paid mad phat benjamins to do something you love? Not just to break records? He is not going down in NFL history as a nobody. There’s no fucking way. He’s an outstanding player, but breaking his streak might be enough to make him retire? Okay. Sure.
  • James Harrison, the current poster boy for fucking people up, might retire as well. Not just because he is and will probably continue to be Roger Goodell’s poster boy for hard hits but I believe that if there is a lockout (fuck you, owners. Fuck you guys long and hard. how about YOU motherfuckers get out there and get hit repeatedly then tell me you want to play for 18 fucking weeks) he will not return. Harrison will be 33 years old. That’s pretty damn old in football years. A year–or more– away from the game and training could end his career right there. So why not end it on your own terms and go out on top. And not just him. There’s every chance Ray Lewis would retire as well as a whole host of older awesome players.
  • In that same vein, Polamalu has not been the effective beast he has in the past because of the new rules for tackling. He was tried to adapt to the new changes of the last couple of seasons, but it’s not working. He does what he can with what he has, but it comes down to “do I tackle the fuck out of him and get my team 15 yards in penalties, or do I tackle properly and possibly miss?” He and Harrison have had to modify their unique play-styles (that the fans watch for) and it just makes the game bland and boring and makes them look ineffective. I don’t think Polamalu would retire as soon as Harrison or Ward, but he will eventually get fed up (I already see it) and just leave and no one would blame him.
  • Roger motherfucking Goodell. This douchebag has made it his mission to suck anything and everything out of the game fans love. The NFL rule changes “for the safety of the players” is laudable but ultimately bullshit. It only protects the star players. If you ain’t making the NFL millions, then you ain’t shit. He doesn’t give a fetid dingo’s kidney about the fans. Which is just retarded. The NFL would not exist if not for the fans (same goes for any other sport. who are you playing for? who buys your shit?). Every season is worse than the last. It’s getting tedious and the fans will revolt and force this smug asshole out.

So yeah. I was all excited about this season just for it to end with a pathetic whimper, stupid ass drama, and a cool VW Darth Vader commercial.