Tag Archive: krampus

Christmas Shirts 2015: Day 5

December 4th: KRAMPUS, BITCHES!!!!


Because today is the day of the KRAMPUS MOVIE!!!!! WOOOOOT!

The Krampus

Why don’t we have The Krampus? Seriously. When the Americans were cherry picking Christmas traditions from the Europeans, why did they leave out Krampus? Yeah, he’s kinda scary looking, but fucking hell. He serves a purpose! krampus1Look at that motherfucker! Do you know why he’s linked to Christmas? He’s what shows up when you’re a bad kid. Not “Santa brings you shitty presents or coal”, not “Santa won’t bring you shit”. Oh no. This bad ass demon thing shows up and beats your ass with birch switches. On Christmas. Yes, Billy. You get an ass whooping for Christmas. What better way to scare kids into not being little shitheads. And in some cultures, Krampus will TAKE YOUR SHITHEAD KIDS AWAY. Yeah, see? Better not pout, better not cry, better not shout, or you’ll never see your family again and you’ll have a sore ass.

So yeah, BRING ON THE KRAMPUS, Americans! Quit being such pussies!

Teach Them Early

@aelerelean and I have the same Krampus t-shirt. I like it. It’s the Krampus, after all. We wore them for a Christmas party. Where there were children in attendance. The 4 year old angelic (or not, depending on if you ask his mom or me) little boy walked up, poked me in the boob and we had this exchange:
“What’s what guy?”
“He’s the Krampus.”
“what’s Krampus?”
“Well, he travels with Santa and when–”
“…Yes you do, buddy.” He takes off.

*note*: don’t give long winded explanations to 4 year olds. But later, he came back and was still intrigued with said Krampus. Again, poke to the tit:

“Who’s that guy?”
“He’s a creature. His name is Krampus” little blue eyes locked on my chest.
“Those two kids are sneaking up on him.” Wow. Smart kid.
“No, he’s stealing those kids because they have been bad. Really bad.”
“Why’s he gots a broom?” poke to the left boob, at which point Dad says “I think he’s found a way to grope boobies without getting caught.”
“Oh, that’s not a broom, those are switches. For spankings. To the naughty kids. Instead of presents from Santa.” Kid thinks hard for a couple of seconds and says, quite matter of factly:
“I’m not going to see him, because I’m a good boy.”
“Yes you are, little guy. You are a good boy.” He thinks on it a little more then runs off to play. I swear it was the CUTEST THING EVAR! Smartest damn 4 year old I ever saw.

Another friend was given Baby’s First Mythos so that he may indoctrinate his young ‘uns (4 and 7). I asked him if he really would read them those stories and got a very excited “YES! Of course I will!” I approve. If either one of them goes to school and says “No, I is not for ‘Ink’, I is for INNSMOUTH” I might just fall over in a faint from the absolute cuteness.