Dear Patriots,

Just fuck you guys. I can’t count on you to do shit right. Still. Oh yeah, your defense didn’t have me at negative points. I got a whopping 0. Fuck you guys. Fuck your QB. Fuck your dynasty. Fuck anybody even tangentially involved with you fucksticks.

Dear Dallas Cowboys,

Fucking hell, ‘Zeke! You don’t give up on a play! Not when you’re only in your second season. WTF, man! This ain’t the Browns. I’d understand if it were. Y’all need to play like it was last season. Get out of your heads and just play.

Dear Houston Texans,

I got nothing. Jesus shit.

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