Dear Antonio Ramiro “Tony” Romo,

Please stop. Please. Can you not see that Jerry is trying is best to fucking kill you dead? Jerry gives no fucks about your glass bone disease. Because surely that’s what it is, right? That or you need a shit load more calcium in your diet. Osteoporosis is not just for old women. I mean, come on. That fucker rushed you back out on to the field before you were ready. The season was done. We could have just said “well, fuck, do better next year, keep our EXPENSIVE AS FUCK quarterback healthy.” But nooooo. Because the NFC East is a goddamned dumpster fire, even with a shitty ass record there was still a chance for playoffs (PLAYOFFS?? DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT PLAYOFFS!) so Jerry in his infinite “wisdom” said “GET ROMO THE FUCK BACK OUT THERE NOW! RIP THAT IV OUT AND GET HIM IN THE HUDDLE! YEEHAW!” and you all jumped to do his bidding. Now look at you.

Jesus Christ, man, you have kids! Don’t you want to live to see them grow up? At this rate, you won’t live to see them potty trained! I’m telling you this as a fan of yours, please. Get out. This is a toxic relationship. It will not end well. Go play golf, play with your kids, make “crownies“. Shit, take up rugby. It can’t be as devastating to your body as Jerry Jones.

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