This year AT&T announced that they were capping bandwidth for DSL and U-Verse subscribers. 150GB for DSL and 250GB for U-Verse. This, in short, is bullshit. “How can you possibly use 250GB worth of data”? Steam and Netflix, motherfucker. The Internet is not just for checking your goddamn mail. It’s for porn. Duh. Anyway, I voted with my wallet and ditched them When they asked why I cited the bandwidth caps and the fact that the connection would drop whenever it felt like it. They offered to send a “last chance technician”. What the hell could he do that the previous 10 techs couldn’t? They’re rewired the phone and U-verse drop. They laid new wire in the ground from the house to the box in my neighbor’s yard. They put in filters. They grounded everything. Still, dropouts and my phone STILL has static. My neighbor had 13 techs out in about a month and a half timespan. I only had the U-verse internet. They had the TV as well. The problem obviously lies with them.

Since I live in Austin, my only other choice for broadband was Fucking Time Fucking Warner Fucking Cable. Christ how I hate them I hate them so very very much. “But, Topenga, surely you can get Grande Communications!”. No. No I cannot. I live maybe a mile from their offices. I can’t get them. “Comcast”? Nope. “Cox”? Nope. Time Warner is it. But they don’t have caps. And DOCSIS 3.0 is coming soon (might already be here). So I begrudgingly sign up over the internet. My install time is a Thursday 1-3pm. Fine.

1pm: no call, no tech. fine, he’s got 2 hours.
2:58pm: Tech calls and says he was over booked. He’ll be able to come by 4.
4pm: no show.
5pm: tech calls and says he can make it by 6:30.
6:45pm: he shows. I quickly show him where the modem goes, where the outside box is and tell him if he has any questions to talk to Aelerelean because, motherfucker, I have shit to do.


9:30pm I return home. There is no paperwork other than a work order. I have no idea how the modem works, what the log in to it is, what MY login and email address is, nothing. I call customer service. What do I find out? THE TECH NEVER FINISHED THE GODDAMN INSTALL. The modem was rebooting itself because it wasn’t registered (or something). They got all that fixed up but oh wait, it rebooted again. The customer service guy put in a repair call for Sunday but they were supposed to call to get it moved to an earlier date because it was a botched install. Fine. I still had my randomly disconnecting U-Verse, so I was okay.
11pm: Get ready to got o bed. I turn on the TV: NO SIGNAL. THAT SON OF A BITCH ASSHOLE TECH DISCONNECTED MY GODDAMN SATELLITE! You do NOT FUCK with my TV. I call Dish, they’re gonna send someone out Saturday morning. Awesome. And I am advised that if I get charged (which I shouldn’t) to make sure TWC pays for it.

Saturday am: Dish guy arrives a 7:45am. Takes on look at the box on the house and says “what a fucking moron. He only had to connect ONE cable.” 5 minutes, I had mah precious TV signal. Awesome. And no charge. And now to wait for TWC. No call. I never got a call. Nothing saying it was scheduled, or moved, or the dispatcher manager calling to apologize for the tech. I call. My install window? 8am-11pm.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

I get a person on the phone. She swears up and down that the tech will 1) call 20 minutes beforehand and 2) he won’t be out nearly that late. Fine. Again, I had shit to do so I leave. Aelerelean called me when the tech showed…and told me that the Super Awesome Fun Time speed I signed up for I can’t actually get because the lovely DOCSIS3.0 modem was ass. I had to drop to the lower tier to get the regular modem and get the same speed for less. I had him repeat that 3 times because holy crap that made no sense. He promised it would work.

6pm: It works. The modem was a dumb modem. No configuring necessary. And I was getting 30Mbps down. I paid for 20. Hot damn, we’re in business.


Internet goes out. Modem reboots constantly. FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! I call TWC. When rebooting the modem doesn’t work, the tech support guy had the audacity to be surprised. He schedules a truck roll. FOR NINE DAYS LATER. I swear to fucking god. NINE. DAYS. How in the FUCK is that right? Outage? You roll that fucking truck in a day or two. NOT NINE. I haven’t even had this service a fucking month and it’s already broken AND I have an unreasonably long fucking wait for a repair. That’s straight up bullshit. So right out of the gate, Time Warner Cable has not failed to disappoint me with their level of service. I knew they were shit, they’ve always been shit, why should I have expected anything different.

I get on my phone (thank FUCK for T-Mobile data) and ask @pakazmir about this. He just replaced his modem like a week ago. I prayed that the new modem he bought was at Fry’s. It was. 10 minutes and $80 later I had a shiny new Motorola Surfboard SB6120. I hooked it up and *gulp* had to call TWC back to get it added to my account. I told the guy “I went to Fry’s and bought a modem. I need it activated.” I swear to god, he asked me for the serial number to MAKE SURE THAT IT WASN’T THE MODEM ALREADY ON THE ACCOUNT.


I…I just fucking told you I bought it. 10 minutes ago. The FUCK? After rattling off the number he explains that it isn’t on the account (No shit?) and hands me off. A very nice lady in Dallas (THIS IS SOMEWHAT IMPORTANT) finally activates my modem. After a number of modem reboots to make it “activate” she can do nothing else. She can see the modem, but it’s not reporting…something. She says “I have to transfer you to someone in Austin.” Why? What? Why didn’t get routed there to begin with. What? I get a dude who sounds aggravated. It’s a Sunday. He’s working help desk. Of course he’s aggravated. He also realizes I am too because I have to repeat my address and phone number again. For the 5th goddamn time in 25 minutes. So here’s two pissed off people who just wants the goddamn Interwebtubes to work. He tries the same thing the Dallas lady tried. Nothing. Then (and I believe this is why he’s Tier Not 1), he asks “are you directly connected via computer or is there a router connected?” “Router.” I reply. “Oh hey, reboot both of them please.”

BOOM. MOTHAFUCKING INTERNET! Problem. Solved. And it only cost me $80 more and my sanity.