Dear Lamb’s Tire and Automotive on Braker Ln and 183,

I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee….

I brought my first car to you in 1992. Then my second in 1994. Then my third in 1999. And now my fourth. In those 19 years, I faithfully brought my cars to you for service and repairs. Over the years I watched your management change and get slowly worse over time. But, as the changes were so slow, I didn’t notice at first. But you began to do shit that annoyed me, like recommending service. I, stupidly, thought you were saying these things because you saw something was wrong, that needed repair or tending to. I soon realized that you were just spewing back whatever the computer said. And lately, you don’t even hide that fact and print recommendations directly from a website. I tuned these out. You also began recommending very pricey repairs and claiming that the car would break down at any moment. OH NOES! I took this car (thankfully not mine) to a different shop since your quote was just too high. This shop wouldn’t take our money. Why? Because that OMG SO IMPORTANT repair? Yeah, wasn’t so important or dire at all. In fact, it was never done. Because it wasn’t needed. That is when I decided, “okay, you guys are relegated to oil changes and inspections only.” How was I to know that you would do your best to fuck that up too?

1/3/2011: I brought my car to you for an oil change.
4/22/2011: I brought my car to a place closer to my house because I was short on time for a simple oil change and inspection. On the receipt (which I didn’t really look at until a couple days later), they tell me there was NO OIL ON THE DIPSTICK. Excuse me? I’ve been running my car for 3.5 months on little to no oil? What. The. Fuck.
4/29/2011: I come to you, calmly but still incredibly pissed, and asked “what the fuck?” See, I started hearing noises. Maybe they had always been there, but having JUST PAID OFF MY CAR, any little noise has me jumpy. This noise? coming from the engine. Did I throw a bearing? A rod? You perform a check. No noises heard, of course. But you claim that there is a drip on my oil plug and suggest that was the problem (and that I should get that replaced!). WHAT. You’ve been tending this particular car since 2006. Every time I’ve come in I hear “great car, great condition.” but now, suddenly there’s a slow, slow drip that caused 5 quarts of oil to drain with no sign (no puddle, no stains anywhere) in 3.5 months? A car with no known leaks suddenly ate 5 quarts of oil in 3.5 months? Is that really likely? You are really handing me that as an explanation? You tell me, what’s more likely: a perfectly good car with no leaks (because your hyper vigilance surely would have spotted it long before now, right?) suddenly usingĀ  and leaking (with no trace!) inordinate amounts of oil? Or Joe Bob NOT FINISHING THE GODDAMN OIL CHANGE?

So, in short, fuck you Lamb’s Automotive. I gave you 19 years of my money. You get no more.