Dear Whole Foods Gateway Shoppers,

I fucking hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. You are the most self centered, self absorbed, no-common-sense-having cunt waffles I have ever run across. What is it about you that makes you think it’s perfectly okay to snipe a parking space from me when I am sitting RIGHT FUCKING THERE? You saw me, asshole. I know you did. You sped into that spot, hoping you were going fast enough so that I wouldn’t see you, I suppose.

Why do you feel that it is perfectly fine to just push in front of my while I’m looking at overprices stinky cheeses? You weren’t asking the cheese mongers a question. You just got in front of me like I wasn’t even there. You are the cunty-est of cunt waffles. No, I’m sorry. You’re not. You’re a cockbag.

I will be so glad when that location closes and the new one opens in the Domain. I really will. But a part of me knows that it won’t help. Yes, there will be more parking. Yes, you ass munchers will have room to spread out in the store. But it also means that there will be MORE of you. I can handle you dick cheeses at Costco. Not so many of you there. Oh yes, I know you shop at Costco. How do I know? You don’t put your fucking carts away and you act like King Shit in the store as well.

I hate you all. You make me dread going to Whole Foods. I want to do nothing more than to spit on your car door handles. If I were a dude, I would happily piss on your oh so expensive (looking) wheels. Your children are just as unruly as the little nasty fucks in Wal-Mart, only cleaner and with the same “I’m so much better than you because I’m at Whole Foods” attitude as you.

I weep for future generation.

Die in an organic, soy based, ethically grown oat bran fueled fire.

Sincerely,
Normal people who just want to pick up a little something from Whole Foods

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