Category: Tweets


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-07-22

  • Ubisoft and uPlay makes black baby Jesus cry. They also killed your puppy and raped your teddy bear. I JUST WANT TO PLAY MY GODDAMN GAME! #
  • is finally playing ANNO 2070 http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • is finally playing Civilization V http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • So much rain my drains can't handle it. Rushing across my porch. http://t.co/6oGtSueD #
  • I unlocked 5 Steam achievements in Civilization V! http://t.co/XKr4ySFS #
  • Last year's hot screwed up my concrete porch, lowering part of it. This year's rain damn near flooded my house because of the fcked concrete #
  • 7am Monday morning meetings suck 15 kinds of ass. #
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE 20 MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE ON A GODDAMN SCRUM CALL! I hope you get a mild but irritating bladder infection! #
  • is finally playing Civilization V http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I unlocked the Eighty-Eight Miles per Hour achievement in Civilization V! http://t.co/XKr4ySFS #
  • Yup. We're done. RT @daveanthony: Okay, let's just go ahead and shut the Earth down. http://t.co/3TkFEiYh – @GerryDuggan #
  • Did you think I wouldn't notice that you assigned this bit of functionality to me? The bit that I was told I wouldn't have to test? #
  • Really? Anything delivered after freeze is YOUR problem. Because YOU SAID IT WAS. Fuck off. #
  • Oh goody! My laptop fails security in a new and interesting way! #
  • Can't wait! RT @TheCJMorgan: Only 50 days until the beginning of another disappointing Cowboys season! #
  • It's finally here! http://t.co/3drMZMAI #
  • Jesus H. Christ, that's a lot of stuff! And I can't find fault with any of it. Except maybe the older Gameboys. http://t.co/kI1wFUgI #
  • What the fuck is this shit? Goddammit, Texas! http://t.co/SD2pqAtJ #
  • is finally playing Civilization V http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I unlocked the Junta for Red October achievement in Civilization V! http://t.co/XKr4ySFS #
  • Goddammit, twitter! Why did you unfiollow @CraigyFerg?? #
  • Look, assholes. It was specifically said "use executive summary because the reports are too long." #
  • So don't bitch when I send you *gasp* an executive motherfucking summary. #
  • So here you go, fuckface. 403 pages. #
  • Hey thanks for calling me to a 7am meeting and discussing everyone else's issues at length and graciously giving me the last 5 minutes. #
  • I hate you so much right now. You fucked up the end of my day yesterday and shit on the start of my day today. Die in a fire. #
  • Downed 2 cups of coffee in less than an hour. Working on #3 and #4 I don't drink coffee. I don't normally consume caffeine. So very awake. #
  • By noon I will have attended 4 meetings since 7am. In each meeting I will have said the same thing in 4 different ways to the same people. #
  • JESUS CHRIST!!!! RT @pakazmir: RT @io9: Behold, the most terrifying worm you've ever seen http://t.co/W6AgQRbW #
  • I was helpful today! #
  • is finally playing Civilization V http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I unlocked 2 Steam achievements in Civilization V! http://t.co/XKr4ySFS #
  • Day of feature freeze, shit is blowing the fuck up because no one knows how to communicate and no one gave a shit. Awesome Friday. #
  • Every damn TSA done wrong story has "they weren't supposed to do X" said by an official from the TSA. Don't they go through training? WTF? #
  • What is their training like? It apparently isn't effective if this shit keeps happening. http://t.co/6872JO6c #
  • You soulless, tasteless, unfunny fucks. http://t.co/PPuQlUs4 #
  • is finally playing Civilization V http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I unlocked 5 Steam achievements in Civilization V! http://t.co/XKr4ySFS #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-07-15

  • Ah, summer ATX weather. When it's not stupid hot, there's crazy thunderstorms in very specific locations for like 15 minutes. #
  • Hrm. Not just a quick shower it seems. Satellite just went out. Better be back in time for #Eureka #
  • Where. In the FUCK. Is the license file. For this goddamn piece of OH SO IMPORTANT software? #
  • "Not Found." WHAT?? WHAT'S NOT FOUND? WHAT? Fucking devs…. #
  • Hey thanks for creating a wiki page with pretty good information. And not linking the goddamn page. #
  • Oh, my mistake. This is not pretty good information. #
  • Just seeing Rick Perry's name makes my blood boil. #
  • I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR TESTING. THIS PRODUCT SHOULDN'T EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOP EMAILING ME. I GIVE NO FUCKS. #
  • BOC bitches! RT @woot: This may very well rank as our crappiest birthday yet: http://t.co/fKvHrWok #
  • Ran out of pretzels for my hummus. Down to using finger. Don't use my keyboard. #firstworldproblems #
  • There is not enough tapioca in my tapioca pudding. #firstworldproblems #grumpyfornoreason #
  • Why don't you try "crashing" a small bathroom? One where you can't remove walls? #crashers #
  • Are you lonely? Are you a farmer? Meet other lonely farmers with shitty internet connections at http://t.co/sTn3krgr. #
  • That last tweet was not spam. I really saw a commercial for a website for lonely farmers. The animals were very concerned. #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-07-08

  • I'm at Costco (Austin, TX) w/ 4 others http://t.co/jvlfkSXS #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I would really like to take this very important training. Too bad network connectivity sucks ass today. OH WELL! #
  • I'm at Taco Bell (Austin, Texas) w/ 3 others http://t.co/NLHIh4Y0 #
  • "Raisins do not belong in anything, much less breakfast meals. Raisins are like little dried up grape tears. The make me sad. " #sotrue #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • The person narrating this training module sounds like Bruce McCulloch from Kids in the Hall. #
  • Sweet! This module is narrated by an Irish guy! #
  • I'm at Yume Burger (Austin, TX) http://t.co/CyfbGiti #
  • Only in Detroit. Throw some RoboCop in there for good measure: http://t.co/BxcUniRL #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I'm at Austin Bergstrom International Airport (AUS) (Austin, TX) w/ 21 others http://t.co/QSa3KkXw #
  • I'm at Maudie's Tex-Mex (Austin, TX) http://t.co/RoJunoMr #
  • I'm at McCarran International Airport (LAS) (Las Vegas, NV) w/ 43 others http://t.co/pHYNXQMw #
  • I just reached Level 2 of the "Jetsetter" badge on @foursquare. I’ve checked in at 5 different airports! http://t.co/anfYAuMb #
  • I'm at The Mirage Hotel & Casino (Las Vegas, NV) w/ 11 others http://t.co/wo1MCq30 #
  • I just unlocked the "Bravo Newbie" badge on @foursquare for checking in at one of Bravo's favorite locations! http://t.co/I65OXQMI #
  • I just unlocked the Bravo "Real Housewife" badge on @foursquare for checking in to bars, restaurants, shops and spas! http://t.co/qABzvXHx #
  • I'm at Cravings Buffet (Las Vegas, NV) http://t.co/VyalD5K1 #
  • I'm at Chuck Jones Experience (Las Vegas, NV) http://t.co/UPvHedES #
  • I'm at Shark Reef Aquarium (Las Vegas, NV) http://t.co/LNFu1uxy #
  • Seriously! (@ Zombie Apocalypse Store) http://t.co/A95eEuNS #
  • I'm at Burger Bar (Las Vegas, NV) http://t.co/iPM1OF9Z #
  • Kangaroo jerky, bitches! (@ Jerky Outlet) http://t.co/SecXpkEy #
  • I'm at Cravings Buffet (Las Vegas, NV) http://t.co/kzQRGKHQ #
  • I just unlocked the "Fashionista" badge on @foursquare for checking in at a Bravo recommended clothing store! http://t.co/qngxMtUj #
  • All the stores are still closed. Feels like a zombie movie in here. (@ The Forum Shops) [pic]: http://t.co/5TjDEdPX #
  • I'm just gonna put this out there. Yeah. http://t.co/XKa77m17 #
  • Sightings in Vegas: Tony Dorsett, Leon Spinks, and Gale Sayers. All signing autographs. #
  • I have been up since 7am PST. I have not slept since then. I am wide a-fucking-wake. Alarm goes off in 3.5 hours. #
  • Meanwhile, the person who took a 5 hour energy and planned to stay up all night is dead to the world. #
  • This is the southwest airline line. The counter is up there. Somewhere. http://t.co/RQaZ4vS6 #
  • Oh goody. The flight is oversold! #
  • Dear Statesman, when I ask for a vacation hold and it's confirmed, I actually really want my damn paper held! #statesmanfail #
  • Woke from a dream filled with Henry Winkler, twitter, a ride on a tall man's shoulders, and a show stopping 3DS bug. The hell? #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-07-01

  • It is 100.4 degrees in my backyard. Why in the hell do I continue to live here? #ATXWeather #
  • WHAT THE FUCK? RT @WootLive: http://t.co/26zpodJq #
  • Heat advisory for central texas. Until 9pm. Wow. That's a lot of hot. #
  • What? Thunderstorm watch? Don't tease me bro. http://t.co/zQN1AuxX #
  • By God do I LOVE coming in early and having two straight hours of my day eaten up my shitty required meetings! #
  • Goddammit. Nothing fucks up a good rant like a stupid typo. #
  • You're giving a Powerpoint presentation. WHY ARE YOU NOT IN PRESENTATION MODE??? #
  • Oh my. http://t.co/lViH7ffE is well and truly busted. #
  • What IS the deal with crickets in Austin? Crickets mean fall, football games, no more summer. Why are they out NOW? #
  • Dangit! Do I buy a new phone or a tablet? 🙁 Damn you Google! (I love you google don't ever leave me.) #
  • Why am I not surprised? http://t.co/96LQG0FC #superman #batman #
  • It's not considered good business communication etiquette to use "metric fuckton" to describe home much work is being done, is it? #
  • I have this odd feeling that my email may have opened a can of worms. I may have told too much of the truth. Fucking work politics. #
  • I should have just ended it with "metric fuckton of work" like I wanted to. #
  • I'm at Panera Bread (Austin, TX) http://t.co/WncPFpbT #
  • And right on cue, my manager is having the end of week freakout. #
  • Him: "How long will this take?" Me: I have no idea what's involved." Him: "Guess" REALLY???????? #
  • I'm at Opal Divine's Marina (Austin, TX) w/ 2 others http://t.co/gPDABNaa #
  • I'm at 620 Café & Bakery (Round Rock, TX) http://t.co/HiGRRmJp #
  • I'm at Lane Bryant – Round Rock Outlet (Round Rock, TX) http://t.co/QDbYLV5v #
  • It's official. I can no longer wear underwire bras from Lane Bryant. Thanks a lot, right boob. You bastard. #
  • I'm at Kohl's (Round Rock, TX) http://t.co/dYTkBjiJ #
  • I'm at Old Navy (Round Rock, TX) w/ 2 others http://t.co/Tys3jlPA #
  • I'm at Kohl's (Austin, TX) http://t.co/y1mtkq7b #
  • I have watched both The Zookeeper and Jack and Jill in the same day. I did not hate them. #
  • David Spade has some surprisingly nice tits. #
  • Al Pacino was a really good sport. #dunkacino #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I'm at Costco Gas (Austin, TX) http://t.co/az2htqzm #
  • I'm at Central Market (Austin, TX) http://t.co/NAnR1xv0 #
  • I'm at TacoDeli (Austin, TX) w/ 4 others http://t.co/8ujrkVwH #
  • I just reached Level 5 of the "Hot Tamale" badge on @foursquare. I’ve checked in at 20 different Mexican Restaurants! http://t.co/8c6uMC1F #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-06-24

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-06-17

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-06-10

  • WHY?? Why do you insist on ruining Prometheus with your stupid "show the whole goddamn movie" trailers??? #
  • Holy crap. The person in front of me ordered $53 worth of food. In the drive thru. (@ Taco Cabana) http://t.co/7NqFSihW #
  • Normandy beach depicted in Play-Mobil http://t.co/eCbGHu86 #
  • Microsoft E3 2012 Press Conference has begun! #
  • Dammit, Microsoft! This new Halo looked like a really good sci-fi movie. Then the gameplay started. Now I'm sad. #E3 #MicrosoftE3 #
  • Oh goody, Splinter Cell. #e3mysteries #E3 #MicrosoftE3 #
  • AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RT @TheTweetOfGod: Nicki Minaj… that's one I'd like back. #
  • Yeah, I'm not getting any work done today. #
  • Come on, Microsoft, make me really want a 360. #E3 #lastpersononearthwithouta360 #
  • JOE MONTANA!!!! #E3 #
  • OMG am I about to see an old man play a vidya game? #E3 #MicrosoftE3 #
  • BLARGH! Bing voice search. Can I change my default search engine to Google? #E3 #
  • "XBOX, play this blu ray." nope. #E3 #
  • HAHAHA. So they show people watching NFL games while promoting hockey, NBA, etc? #E3 #
  • I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER GODDAMN MUSIC SERVICE! Jesus H Christ! #E3 #MicrosoftE3 #
  • FuelBand integration. #e3mysteries #
  • Damn! No FuelBand integration! #E3 #
  • Who the hell has a Windows 8 tablet? #e3 #
  • IE is coming to XBOX. Oh good. Just what I never wanted. #E3 #
  • God help me, they did. RT @TheJeffWade: Also did people just cheer for Internet Explorer? #E3mysteries #
  • Did…did they give Lara Croft a boob reduction? #E3 #
  • What really? SouthPark? I don't know how I feel about that. #E3 #
  • Okay, I'm in. #E3 #SouthparkRPG #
  • I can't play Dance Central. I don;t have that many friends. And we're all fat gamers. #E3 #MicrosoftE3 #
  • RAY LEWIS!!! #E3 #
  • What the shit? Michael Irvin? Goddammit. #E3Mysteries #
  • SimCity: WANT! SimCity for Facebook: DO NOT WANT! #E3Mysteries #
  • NO. Not even Linkin Park likes Linkin Park. RT @ObliteratedTaco: Do people still like Linkin Park? #E3Mysteries #
  • Who the shit is this? I feel so old. #E3mysteries #
  • Oh. THAT'S Flo Rida? I feel REALLY old. #E3mysteries #
  • A spellbook? I can cast spells? Hrm….. #e3mysteries #
  • Well, took ron weasley a few times to get his spells right, too. #e3mysteries #
  • HTC and Sony?!? Oooooohhhhhh #e3 #sony #e3mysteries #
  • And it begins. Bring on, Nintendo! #e3 #NintendoE3 #
  • Pikmin! so kawaii desu neeeeeee! #e3 #nintendo #
  • That WiiU pad is fucking huge! #e3 #
  • The hell is that guy wearing on his feet! So red! My eyes…. #E3Nintendo #E3Mysteries #
  • Ahhh. There's the awkwardness! #E3 #E3Mysteries #
  • Did…Did a LEGO dude just kick another LEGO dude in the nuts?? #E3 #E3<ysteries #
  • Nintendo's "after show" video: http://t.co/f6crwypl #e3mysteries #e3 #nintendo #
  • Finally, Grandma gets a chance! And it's at a buffet. What? #e3Mysteries #e3 #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • Wha? "Thai police arrest man with suitcase full of gold plated babies set to be used in black magic ritual" http://t.co/9OZeDBP9 #
  • I am counting the days. RT @DaleDudley: God I miss football. #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • What kind of shit email client attaches a file in the body of the message, wherever the cursor is? Lotus Notes, of course! #
  • I'm at Sushi Sake (Austin, TX) http://t.co/R72aJZl6 #
  • I finally got the memory I ordered for my workstation. It's been a month. A. Month. #
  • Now I'm bummed. RT @nfl: RT @AlbertBreer: Can confirm that the Patriots are releasing Chad Ochocinco: http://t.co/BcGlnRpg #
  • My services…they start up so quickly now…It's..it's so beautiful. I think I'm going to cry. #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • Helicopters and Bows. Not quite the same ring as Bitches and Ho's. http://t.co/bquZORE7 #
  • Christ, stay the hell away from I-35 in Austin today! #
  • Must have been a pretty horrible collision to have both upper AND lower decks blocked! Oh man, maybe he fell from the upper deck… 🙁 #
  • I'm at Panera Bread (Austin, TX) http://t.co/BiGsMRcn #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I'm at Kublai Khan (Austin, TX) http://t.co/mdtCzFLN #
  • I'm at Lane Bryant – Round Rock Outlet (Round Rock, TX) http://t.co/jZiIQW2u #
  • I'm at Converse Outlet (Round Rock, TX) http://t.co/GNv7Pnnm #
  • Car wash! Car wash, yeah! (@ Speedy Stop) http://t.co/WFEfUOia #
  • I'm at Target (Austin, TX) w/ 3 others http://t.co/chSfj61Q #
  • Why God? Why? http://t.co/gOTBlSIX #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I'm at Central Market (Austin, TX) w/ 4 others http://t.co/6csUcxjV #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-06-03

  • I'm at Opal Divine's Marina (Austin, TX) w/ 2 others http://t.co/MObfRACB #
  • Are you stupid? A kid with a 3.7 getting a scholarship is BAD? Shut the fuck up about P. Diddy's kid getting a scholarship. Jesus Christ. #
  • I'm sorry. It's my fault you can't play Diablo 3 right now. Why? Because I just bought the game. So of course everything's down. #
  • THIS IS AFFECTING PRODUCTION!/THIS DIRECTLY AFFECTS PATIENT CARE! #diablo3 #
  • Perfect use of Hazmat Guy! http://t.co/HJX50HAG #
  • http://t.co/HJX50HAG Perfect use of Hazmat Guy! #
  • Goddammit. Sorry about the double post. #
  • I'm at Thai Cuisine (Austin, TX) http://t.co/qNMAVliR #
  • What the fucking fuck. RT @_Snape_: #YouShouldBeAshamed if you do this to yourself: http://t.co/0989SIqb #
  • Mmmmm the Thai Cuisine (really) restaurant had something called Garlic Paradise. So wonderful. No vampires near me today. #
  • http://t.co/6JHMiQay "My daughter was humiliated!" Welp, do your fucking homework. She's 8. Why didn't mom make sure she did it? #
  • Quit your bitching and be a fucking parent. #
  • "JC Penney runs Father's Day ad featuring gay fathers." Guess I need to shop JC Penney more. Good on you, guys! #
  • There is so much stupid in this country…. http://t.co/eZDqjtbR #
  • I'm at Panera Bread (Austin, TX) http://t.co/grgefRvj #
  • SERIOUSLY! RT @therobertluke: How are there so many movies where Kristen Stewart is the most sought after woman on the planet? #
  • What makes a shitty parent: Teaching your 3 year old to stand up in church and sing "ain't no homo gonna make it to heaven." #
  • *sigh* Only one thing standing between me and this Mini truck. $14,500 🙁 Okay, 14,500 things. http://t.co/69Yf4Te9 #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! SHUT THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING DOOR YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK! #speakerphoneasshole #
  • There's something not right with this picture. Not sure I can put my finger on it… http://t.co/poEOn0R5 #
  • I'm at Your Mom's Burger Bar (Austin, Texas) w/ 2 others http://t.co/2QHNmmi8 #
  • Fuck it. It's Friday, I just got back from greasy cheese filled burger land. Scotch time. #
  • Wow. I totally agree RT @WootLive: There's a new, gay, Green Lantern in town. Randy doesn't like it. http://t.co/n9Zwn95z #
  • Why is there Balto porn fanfic? #
  • Fuck it, I'll just play Solitaire! http://t.co/h3IsFMMT #
  • is finally playing Tropico 3: Absolute Power http://t.co/cidqpoo8 #
  • I'm at Wings 'N More (Austin, TX) w/ 2 others http://t.co/jg4kHeTn #
  • I just unlocked the “Porky” badge on @foursquare for checking in to barbecue spots! Brisket all around! http://t.co/Le4pWKU4 #
  • I'm at Rudy's Country Store & Bar-B-Q (Austin, TX) w/ 2 others http://t.co/ksDinVkM #
  • I'm at Einstein Bros Bagels (Austin, TX) http://t.co/4KPo20d2 #
  • Dammit! RT @bzzagentjono: Sad. Mr "Survey Says" Richard Dawson RIP http://t.co/MVZTQ0KK #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-05-27

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-05-20

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