Dear Fox and Pittsburgh Steelers,
First off, Fox, you tried to do me a solid by showing me the last few minutes of my beloved Steelers now complete with James Harrison. I understand why you’d do this. It was a close game (more on that in a minute). You thought people would like to see the final outcome. To this I say, “Jesus fuck why did you bother?” We would have been content just seeing the score later and not knowing the Cowboy-like circumstances that resulted in that score. Thanks, but you really shouldn’t have. Really.
As for you, Steelers. What the shit? THE BUCS??? You lose to the BUCS? This makes you worse than the Falcons. THE. FALCONS. I have no words to say to you. That last four minutes were a total shitshow and you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.
Ugh.
Dear Dallas Cowboys,
Wow. In the second half, I thought you were going to be yourselves and let it all go, but someone either lit a fire under your asses or threatened your family members. Because you guys rallied back and were fantastic. And I’m shocked. But whatever. I seriously doubt you can keep it going all season. I’ll just take it a week at a time.
Dear J.J. Watt,
I love you. From your sacks to your TD while playing OFFENSE to your TD playing DEFENSE to your acting on The League. I love every bit of you and I hope like crazy that no off-field shenanigans come to light because I really want you to be the most awesome player ever.
Dear Detroit Lions,
LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS!
Dear Jimmy Johnson and Michael Strahan,
You are correct. Peyton had 60 goddamn minutes to do his job. His defense had oodles of time to either prevent OT or stop the scoring. And they didn’t. Preach it, my brothers!