Dear 49ers,



Dear 49ers’s Harbaugh,

It’s because you changed from front pleats to flat front. GO BACK TO THE PLEATS!


Dear Seattle Seahawks and your very own troll Richard Sherman,

Again, you have proven yourselves to be rude, arrogant and completely unsportsman-like. To quote Rudy from Fat Albert: You are like school in the summertime. No class.

You sons of bitches have none. Zero. Zilch. Golden “Showers” Tate and your coach proved it last season. Richard Sherman proved it last night. Yeah, great, Sherman and Crabtree hate each other. That’s what makes football awesome. Real, deep , personal rivalries give us, the viewers, a little something to chew on. But when you take it to the level Sherman The Asshat did, it’s just disgusting. What is it that veteran players say? “Act like you’ve been here before!”

Sherman’s little act on the field was in poor taste (worthless penalty). Sherman’s act in front of Erin Andrews was fucking disgusting. Had I been watching WWE, I would have laughed and cheered. But since this is supposed to be a real professional sport, I just hung my head in shame. I prayed for his momma (shit ANYBODY’S momma) to show up out of nowhere and slap him upside his fool head.

Yeah, I hate the “both teams played well” bullshit that comes after every game, too. But holy fucking shit, dude. You took it way too fucking far. Instead of being the “hero” of the game, Sherman will be remembered for acting like a fucking arrogant asshole. You are the Kanye of the NFL. And I don’t mean that in a good way (Because, seriously, fuck Kanye). You are the rambling, swole-headed, shitbag who can’t stop beating his chest over and over to let everyone know how great he is.

Be excited you did well, but don’t be such a fucking douche-nozzle about it.

Act like you been here before.


Dear Referees of Last Night’s Niners-Seahawks Game,

Fired. Every single one of you deserves to be fired. Literally fired. Like from a cannon, fired. Lit on fire fired.

What is your problem with officiating in fucking Seattle? Why is every major game such a shitshow? Niners had the goddamn ball. How in the FUCK could you even dare to call it Seattle’s ball? I saw it, the crowd saw it, motherfucking Stevie Wonder saw it. And you call the play unreviewable and unchallengable. How?

One day, Harbaugh is gonna drop dead right there on the sidelines in Seattle and it’ll be your fault. Because you can’t figure out just what in the shit you’re doing.

Fuck you guys.

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