Dear Cowboys,

I got nothin’. I didn’t expect that at all.  Keep it up, I guess.

Dear Giants,

Holy fucking shit what happened? I really wanted you to continue the win streak in JerryWorld, I really did. But you didn’t do shit. Ugh.

Dear Steelers,

The highlight of that game was the RedZone dude showing a freeze frame where everyone was perfectly still except for a blur of hair headed right for Jake Locker. Keep on keepin’ on, Polamalu.

Oh, and why did you cut Polamalu, Jr.???? I’ve just accepted that this season will suck huge donkey chunks. I will try not to get unreasonably angry when you inevitably lose to the Bengals, the Browns, and the seriously handicapped Ravens. I said try. I promise nothing. Nothing other than not giving up completely on you. You are not dead to me, just seriously ill.

Dear Texans,

What the? How did? OMG! *slow clap*

Dear Redskins,

DO NOT LET YOUR NEWLY WORKED ON QB DIE ON THE FUCKING FIELD.

Dear Patriots,

I love watching you struggle. I really do. I don’t know how you manage to pull it out in the end, but it was great watching the end of the Brady Dynasty.

Dear Clay Matthews,

Hey! Stop that shit! You’re better than that! You are no Suh! Cut it the fuck out!

Dear Green Bay Packers,

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  You got FUCKED! AGAIN! By a bad call! In favor of YET ANOTHER NFC WEST TEAM! I love you and all but BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dear Kansas City Chiefs,

I…wow. I’m just amazed. I think Andy Reid is good for you. Congrats, guys.

Dear Peyton Manning,

*slow clap*

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